one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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