What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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