if only i could text you this smell
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
