I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
