break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
