Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
