im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
its liver damage thursday
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize