I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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