WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize