What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
