Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
