omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
