I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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