i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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