i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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