the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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