I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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