tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
