i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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