remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
