All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize