uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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