idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
