Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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