i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
