He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
