He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize