I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
