I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We left an ass print on the piano.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
