Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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