cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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