Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
