so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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