so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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