You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
