last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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