I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
