You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
