Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
