i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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