My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
