omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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