i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
