Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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