she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
