Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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