Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
