she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
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