Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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