Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
