So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Every concussion has its silver lining
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
