I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
