I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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