did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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