zippers are such a cool invention
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
