ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
