Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I could fuck to npr.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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