I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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