Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
