i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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