Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
