i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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