why do cheetos always look like penises
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
