This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
