There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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