Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
