i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the condom got lost in my hair
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
