I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
