I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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