I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No stitches, just platelets and will power
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
