omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
